If I Ruled the World.

To be honest, I don't think this post needs further explanation, so I'll just get on with the list if that's ok with you.

Woah. I paid like 50p for this service you assholes!

First of all, if you read my last post you'll know I'm totally hating on the Post Office right now. I can even look out my window as I type and see the bastards NOT DELIVERING ME LA NOIRE! That bald guy smoking the cigarette should stop killing his lungs and do some freakin' work! How bad is our system that things can just get "lost" and we never see them?! Paul spent £40 on a game once and it never got delievered! How unfair is that?! And you can't prove it so you can never get it back and stuff. Not fair. :'( If that happens with LA Noire I'm going to kill several people for revenge. Or at least mess with their post. I haven't decided yet...

If I were in control I would hire Moist Von Lipwig, that man knows how to deliver a letter. 

As a side note I would also change the uniform. I pity the 40 year old men being made to wear shorts. It's totally degrading.

Dude. I just got this thing. Now I have to pay for it in 5 ways before I can even use it?!

I got my car in October, but her tax disc ran out the day I picked her up. Around that time I also quit my full time, well paying job, so I have yet been able to tax my baby up and take her for a spin. Even if I wanted to I'd have to MOT her, insure her AND fill her up. Why can't this process be simpler?! I want to run into the DVLA throw money and them and scream THERE!!! CAN I DRIVE MY FUCKING CAR NOW?! Bastards. I ain't gunna be a part of their system. There should be one cost for driving, a hybrid insurance/tax if you will, then one MOT and petrol. Simpler. Oh and driving tests should be free the first time. That would be cool.

YOU should be paying ME to put up with those skanky chavs on the bus home from Poole. Seriously. 

Considering my issues with my car, I think public transport should be free, or at least as good as. To get a return from Salisbury to London is like £70!! Sure the rails cost a lot to maintain, but making the tickets cheaper means they'd get more business... Cut out the biscuit and drinks man for a vending machine and have the ticket scanner on the train doors instead of the inspector dude and you've cut out about £40,000 in salaries per train per year! WHY ARE THEY NOT DOING THIS?! And then they can pass the savings onto us :D I dream of a day where you can get to London for a tenner.

They're more animal than plant, they can grow in less than an hour, and they can kill people!

DOES NO ONE ELSE SEE THE DANGER HERE?! These things are trained killers, with their weird vein-y bits and floaty spores. FOR GODS SAKE THESE ARE DANGEROUS PEOPLE. If I had my way they would be banned. Forever. And for all those people who were bummed about fox hunting being banned, I would give them beakers of acid and they can trot on their horses to the forest and pour it all over ANY FUGUS THEY COULD SEE. And then we would all live happily ever after. Without Farmhouse pizzas.

You want my respect... Wearing that?!

I regularly read More, Glamour, Cosmopolitan and Company magazine, and I have been eagerly awaiting a very key item of clothing to come back into fashion, but to no avail. I am of course referring t0...

The top hat. 

I mean seriously. We have fat people in leggings and crop tops, people wrapping fake hair around their foreheads, those overly detailed old man shoes, WHY NOT A TOP HAT?! I mean we're having our summer wear inspired by sailors, aztecs, animals, stuff that looks like it's been bought from a charity shop - and not to mention every decade for a century, if you want to be proper vintage, wear coat tails and a top hat. I implore you. Imagine walking onto a tube train and seeing everyone in top hats. How perfect would that be!? You could wear them to interviews! To the pub! To the carnival! You could take it off to show respect, or for a pretty lady. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS PEOPLE!

PS someone should get me a top hat for my birthday...

Did you just...? Really...? Yes you did just say that... Okaaaay...

So people say a lot of strange phrases. Paul Boag's just started Gee Wizz which has been driving me CRAZY, but NOTHING, and I mean nothing, holds a candle to "Oh my Days". OMD is not cool. You're basically taking "God", and inserting a substitute, but seeing as "Days" isn't an entity that can help you in any way, shape or form, (though it's debatable God is...) it pretty much reverts back and is no different to the original meaning. And it makes you sound like a complete DICK. Stop saying it. In my world anyone that says it will get the punishment of being shut in a prison cell with Rachael from Glee until their ears bleed, and they are resentful, cold and bitter enough to be let back into society. 

In addition to these changes I would also make downloads cheaper than buying a physical disc. ITUNES WHY ARE YOU CHARGING ME £8.99 FOR A DISC THAT IS £3 ON PLAY.COM?! 

And there should be an alley on my end of my road so I can get to town easier without having to walk in a massive loop just to get to the freaking post office that I can see from my house. I have seriously considered just throwing my mail to them from the balcony. I'm sure once I take the place over they'd let me do that. It'd be sweeeet.

 Also, I have every episode of Scrubs (except season 9) on my TV. Upon watching these again I now feel awful for you normal people who must have to just watch these when E4 dictates, or on megavideo telling you you've watched more than 72 minutes of video today. In my world there will be a channel solely dedicated to Scrubs. 24/7 on endless repeat.

Lastly, has anyone noticed how expensive books are?! Jesus! They're just paper...  

I Could Really Do With Some Post Right Now Guys....

The last time I looked, Blogger was down... Which confused me so I gave up and so haven't written in a while...

I've been really busy being at FOWD, then being at home, which involved the following:

- Going out to dinner - couldn't even eat the fairly small pasta dish I ordered.... :/

- Seeing Pirates of the Caribbean 4 (Which was CRAP)

- Having a fry up - YUM :D

- Watching Dr Who - I thought it was going to be scary...? Maybe this week's will be...

- Crying for no reason - seriously it's really strange. :S

- Spending my wages as fast as humanly possible - Mainly on Sims 3 expansions... O.o

- Standing at the front door waiting for the post to arrive

- Dreaming about the post arriving

- Running home in the rain to check if the post has come

- Seeing my sexy boyfriend - sleepovers! Yaaaaaaaaay :D

- Watching my sexy boyfriend play football - he was awesome :)

- Dreaming about the post some more...

Why so much excitement over the post, you ask?

LA Noire. Nuff Said.

I will give you sexual favours in return for that pebble over there

Ok so I won't. But female penguins will....

Say you're a penguin, and you're trying to make your nest. You're in a committed relationship with a sexy boy penguin, but, you look over and see something that could change that. 

A stone.

Not just any stone. A perfect stone that will fit beautifully into your nest. 

You want it.

But unlike other animals you won't go and rip his head off for it, oh no. You exchange it for sexual favours. Penguin Prostitution. 

According to Dr Fiona Hunter (a zoologist): “It tends to be females targeting single males, otherwise the partner female would beat the intruder up.

 To make matters worse, sometime the poor guy with the stone doesn't even get any. She'll get him all excited and the RUN AWAY WITH THE STONE. (I like to picture her giggling with glee whilst doing so...)

 Does anyone else find this just... freakin' hilarious!?

For those concerned about the "sensitivity" of my blog.

Ok, so a lot of people have been giving me shit about my "confession" post a few days ago, saying it was insensitive, and even in some cases going as far as to accuse me of only doing it for publicity, so let me explain the reasoning behind it, and why I posted it here rather than taking a different approach.

I have before had a lot worse done to me than Doyle had done to him, and had anyone that hurt me publicly admitted that they were wrong and apologised, I would have been overjoyed. I don't know if other people would also like that satisfaction, maybe its just me, but to have public proof that I had done nothing wrong I would find reassuring.

Also, before Doyle left I had pretty much no chance to talk to him about all of this. He doesn't want to know what happened, so by sending him a message I would be forcing him to either read or delete it, meaning he would have no oppertunity to change his mind. Or if he opened it, didn't look and left it, but then years later decided out of curiousity he wanted to know, it would be a bitch to find. Whereas now it will have a permanent place and be ordered chronologically in my posts.

Also, in all honestly I feel awful, and I wanted people involved to know the truth, like friends on both sides, and people hearing half the story. I don't know about the rest of you, but for me, keeping that secret from the general public would be like living a lie.

So that's why I decided a blog post would be best. In the end, a blog is supposed to be a diary. If people want their names out, that's perfectly fine. But honestly it would feel like lying to my friends if they didn't know this, it wasn't intended for EVERYONE. I had no idea that many people even go on my facebook, for some of you, criticizing me was the first proper communication you've ever had with me. How nice. You only decide to bother talking to me once I've done something wrong.

Anyway, ranting aside, this may not have been the best way to deal with a situation, but it seemed like a pretty good idea at the time, and it was only written to try and do the right thing and come completely clean.

The post will stay archived on this blog for when Paul decides he wants to know the truth. But links to it from Facebook have been removed.

My Observations - Things I have learned this month.

1. Bass Guitar is totally awesome

Seriously, it's got to be the coolest instrument. I re-watched Scott Pilgrim the other day, and even though all the jokes feel old now, I never appreciated how great the music is. THE BASS IS SO LOUD :D I will totally learn that instrument some day.

2. I have become addicted to tea

It's the god of all drinks. Ellen says if you put sugar in you can live off it? Even if that's a lie, it's still epic. Even in summer. Although I'm putting near enough seven spoonfuls of sugar in with every cup. Not great :/

3. I'm Not Over by Carolina Liar is the best song ever

I first discovered the song about a year ago, and instantly bought the album, and I still haven't tired of it. It's so epic. Like literally epic. Paul put it on at the pub yesterday and I nearly died from happiness. Here, have a listen.

4. Sometimes life is exactly like the movies

I don't know how many of you noticed but my recent situation has been shockingly similar to a certain British film staring Renee Zellweger, Hugh Grant and Colin Firth. Buut I don't think the ending is going to be the same. Unless I get with Ford and then find him with a Thai Ladyboy prostitute? What I'm trying to say is no matter how similar your situation may seem, don't take your morals from TV.

5. Stephen Merchant is the best voice actor ever

Wheatley has to be the coolest character in any game, ever!

 So there we have it! I decided not to put in the important moral lessons I have learned this month, like facing things, not running away, etc, but believe me they are well learnt.

Before I go I'd like to say thanks to Peter Andre for looking after my children all of you for helping my blog reach 5,000 views! Nice work! Love you all :D

He's so happy :')

ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIMON IBLE I LOVE YOU!!

Just to add

Before I continue posting mindless crap on here, I would like to say to people that had their doubts about my confession, that it was meant as a means of getting the truth out there. There were a lot of rumours flying around and I wanted to set everyone straight and be completely honest. I'm sorry if people found it mean. It was not intended that way.

And on a completely unrelated note, here is a picture that made me laugh xD

Teeeheeeeheeee

Lololol

Just wanna see if this app does everything it says it does xD


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Location:The railway