So I've spent my who life wondering about this man, Andrew. He's my birth father, and although I love my real dad dearly, I've always wanted to talk to my, shall we call him, "sperm donor dad".
When I was little I used to look at pictures of me and Mum, and try and figure out what he looked like from my features that she doesn't have. I'd draw him sometimes, and hope to this day that he's some big millionaire who will buy me clothes to suppress the guilt of leaving me. This probably isn't going to happen, but a girl can dream, right?
When I was 16 I was at my grandad's house when he found a video that Andrew was in, and for the first time in my life, I got to see his face. I felt sick to my stomach and like my world had been turned completely upside down. He looked just like me. As far as I'm concerned, I share more in common with him in my looks, than with her.
Today, I found him on 192.com, and have sent him a letter. And once again my whole life feels like it has changed. I don't want a relationship with him, as I've said, no one can replace the dad I already have, but the idea that he will be reading something I've written, both excites and terrifies me. And so for the next few weeks I'll be living in fear, waiting to see if he'll respond.
I don't know why I felt the need to blog about this. Maybe I just wanted to write about something real for once, and not just sex. It will be 14 years since my adoption on the 17th, so it feels like everything is getting really intense, right before uni haha.
