Why "True Love" and "Guy Love" Can Fuck Off

Yup. It's another rant. 

I've been ill in bed all week and, naturally, this has resulted in me watching a buttload of tv. Mainly, Scrubs and Vampire Diaries, so both my rants have stemmed from these programs. Plus I re-read the first Vampire Diaries book today, so maybe if you don't know a lot about that series you might not get my first point, but other films back it up. So lets get started.

Elena and Stefan's love in The Vampire Diaries is fake, shallow and frankly, unearned.

This is a basic summary of their relationship, and how it was formed in the first Vampire Diaries book. 

Elena's parents are dead, but don't worry she's still super popular and beautiful and described by friends and enemies alike as "Queen of the school" who can pull any guy she likes. Then on the first day of term Stefan Salvatore turns up. A short, dark stranger wearing sunglasses, who pulls up in a Porsche and despite Elena's best efforts, totally blanks her. Naturally being as determined as she is, she tries lots of ways to get his attention, but to no avail. Frustrated she goes and gets herself raped in a cemetery, Stefan shows up and saves the day. And guess what? Turns out he wasn't blanking her because he hated her, but because he was in love with her, she tells him she loves him too the morning after this. THEY ARE IN LOVE ALREADY WTF?! Later she walks in on him doing vampire-y things and is like OMG D: But after about 10 minutes she's fine, and they're soul mates again.

Are you guys seeing my problem here? There is no foundation for love! It's completely unearned and unwarranted. Sure they find each other attractive but I think it's insulting to real love to say that they could have these feelings after a couple of weeks staring at each other, and then two conversations. After this point in both the TV show and the books, they are ready to literally die for each other. It angers me because the author is too lazy to show any build up to that relationship. No subtlety, no flirting, no letting the readers get excited about whats going to happen. Just:

Ooh that guy's hot! ---> Kiss ---> I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU I'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU I'D DIE FOR YOU AND SACRIFICE ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY JUST TO BE WITH YOU.

 Maybe I'm a cynic, but as far as I'm concerned that just doesn't happen. Relationships develop. It takes time to build up feelings that strong for a person. I don't know if Twilight develops the love better than this cause I get the impression they have all this "I'd die for you" crap. Don't get me wrong, if I had to chose between saving myself or Paul, I'd chose his life every time, but we've known each other for ages.

Do you get what I'm saying or is the Flu going to my head?

Oh this also happens in Leap Year. They really fail at what they're trying to do. I see no reason why those two people should be in love. It's totally unconvincing. Rent it and see. Anyway, on to my second point:

JD from Scrubs is a bastard. And Elliot should have married Keith.

 

Ok so I may have an obsessive knowledge of Scrubs. I can tell you with a good degree of accuracy what happens in an episode, or what number/season it is with very few prompts. So maybe I notice this more than other people, but as far as I've seen, JD is a dick. Think about this: 

1. He convinced Elliot to leave Shaun, then dumped her the next day.
2. He told Kim (his pregnant girlfriend) that there was absolutely no chance he would ever forgive or fall in love with her, and then was just as brutally honest while she was in labour, causing them to break up.
3. As illustrated by a whole episode, all he does is take from his friends, and demand looking after.
4. When he and Carla accidentally kiss he's initially happy to let her take the blame and risk ruining their marriage before he has it pointed out to him that what he's doing is wrong.
5. He switched his hours so he had a night off that was Turks only alone night, and then assumed Turk would hang out with him every week without even consulting him first.
6. He tried to kiss Elliot while she was engaged to Keith, and kept saying "It should have been me." 
7. If he liked Elliot so much why did he try to spend all that time trying to sleep with her best friend while Elliot got engaged?
8. He's needy and spends all his time wallowing in self pity, and yet in some episodes he's a narcissist.

I'm sure I can think of more reasons why I hate him, but there's a few to get you started. Keith was a genuinely nice, honest person who would do anything for Elliot, and was way hot. I seriously considered not watching after the end of season six...

If you don't like it, go f**k Luigi in the ass...

Ok so that last blog will be a bloody hard act to follow. It pretty much tripled my blog visits O.o I've literally been too scared to write now, because nothing I can say will be as good :P So I've been sexing up the site itself instead :)

Anyway, I wanted to talk to you all about Katy Perry. Previously in this post, I slagged her off no end. HOWEVER, my opinion of her has now changed. My unnatural hatred has been turned into respect, and here's why: She included Rebecca Black in her music video, which, her decision or not, was a pretty classy thing to do. (Yes I did just say "classy". Deal with it.) I've always felt bad for dear ol' Rebecca, I mean, that appalling song wasn't really her fault. She's a victim of what the music industry is becoming, and more importantly, her record company. It's not her we should be abusing, its the label that pushed her into recording the world's worst song. (Although there was apparently a choice of two songs... So imagine how bad the other one must have been...) So yeah, having her in the video earned back my respect, which obviously means Katy Perry can retire now, having fulfilled this crucial goal.

T.G.I.N.F.

On the other hand, I notice the Wii is boasting more add-ons to improve the functionality of the controllers, and is mass-advertising this new technology at present. Am I the only person who thinks they are taking the piss?! Nintendo are making you idiots shell out tons of cash for stuff that frankly it was supposed to ALREADY do when it was released! Why are you having to pay AGAIN for something THEY didn't follow through on?! Thus I will not dignify the Wii with ever acknowledging it's existence again after this post. I will never touch one of the bloody things again, controllers, EXPENSIVE ADD-ONS and all, let alone play a GAME on one. (Although frankly I couldn't anyway. The graphics make me want to go on a killing spree.) So I hope you all enjoy your expensive devices that do what an arcade could do with House of the Dead in the 90s. The Wii is dead to me. It's pretty much made by Satan.

There. Rant over. :)

Fuck you all.

I can't BELIEVE girl on top won!! You are all lazy men, AREN'T YOU!

We spend more time that you could imagine making ourselves look pretty, making you sandwiches and telling you how big your penises are, because YOU AND SOCIETY DEMAND IT...

BUT IT JUST WASN'T ENOUGH, WAS IT?!

Lazy shits.

I hope you see this and choke. Preferably resulting in an untimely death.

But, to everyone who didn't vote girl on top. Why thank you :)