If I Ruled the World.

To be honest, I don't think this post needs further explanation, so I'll just get on with the list if that's ok with you.

Woah. I paid like 50p for this service you assholes!

First of all, if you read my last post you'll know I'm totally hating on the Post Office right now. I can even look out my window as I type and see the bastards NOT DELIVERING ME LA NOIRE! That bald guy smoking the cigarette should stop killing his lungs and do some freakin' work! How bad is our system that things can just get "lost" and we never see them?! Paul spent £40 on a game once and it never got delievered! How unfair is that?! And you can't prove it so you can never get it back and stuff. Not fair. :'( If that happens with LA Noire I'm going to kill several people for revenge. Or at least mess with their post. I haven't decided yet...

If I were in control I would hire Moist Von Lipwig, that man knows how to deliver a letter. 

As a side note I would also change the uniform. I pity the 40 year old men being made to wear shorts. It's totally degrading.

Dude. I just got this thing. Now I have to pay for it in 5 ways before I can even use it?!

I got my car in October, but her tax disc ran out the day I picked her up. Around that time I also quit my full time, well paying job, so I have yet been able to tax my baby up and take her for a spin. Even if I wanted to I'd have to MOT her, insure her AND fill her up. Why can't this process be simpler?! I want to run into the DVLA throw money and them and scream THERE!!! CAN I DRIVE MY FUCKING CAR NOW?! Bastards. I ain't gunna be a part of their system. There should be one cost for driving, a hybrid insurance/tax if you will, then one MOT and petrol. Simpler. Oh and driving tests should be free the first time. That would be cool.

YOU should be paying ME to put up with those skanky chavs on the bus home from Poole. Seriously. 

Considering my issues with my car, I think public transport should be free, or at least as good as. To get a return from Salisbury to London is like £70!! Sure the rails cost a lot to maintain, but making the tickets cheaper means they'd get more business... Cut out the biscuit and drinks man for a vending machine and have the ticket scanner on the train doors instead of the inspector dude and you've cut out about £40,000 in salaries per train per year! WHY ARE THEY NOT DOING THIS?! And then they can pass the savings onto us :D I dream of a day where you can get to London for a tenner.

They're more animal than plant, they can grow in less than an hour, and they can kill people!

DOES NO ONE ELSE SEE THE DANGER HERE?! These things are trained killers, with their weird vein-y bits and floaty spores. FOR GODS SAKE THESE ARE DANGEROUS PEOPLE. If I had my way they would be banned. Forever. And for all those people who were bummed about fox hunting being banned, I would give them beakers of acid and they can trot on their horses to the forest and pour it all over ANY FUGUS THEY COULD SEE. And then we would all live happily ever after. Without Farmhouse pizzas.

You want my respect... Wearing that?!

I regularly read More, Glamour, Cosmopolitan and Company magazine, and I have been eagerly awaiting a very key item of clothing to come back into fashion, but to no avail. I am of course referring t0...

The top hat. 

I mean seriously. We have fat people in leggings and crop tops, people wrapping fake hair around their foreheads, those overly detailed old man shoes, WHY NOT A TOP HAT?! I mean we're having our summer wear inspired by sailors, aztecs, animals, stuff that looks like it's been bought from a charity shop - and not to mention every decade for a century, if you want to be proper vintage, wear coat tails and a top hat. I implore you. Imagine walking onto a tube train and seeing everyone in top hats. How perfect would that be!? You could wear them to interviews! To the pub! To the carnival! You could take it off to show respect, or for a pretty lady. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS PEOPLE!

PS someone should get me a top hat for my birthday...

Did you just...? Really...? Yes you did just say that... Okaaaay...

So people say a lot of strange phrases. Paul Boag's just started Gee Wizz which has been driving me CRAZY, but NOTHING, and I mean nothing, holds a candle to "Oh my Days". OMD is not cool. You're basically taking "God", and inserting a substitute, but seeing as "Days" isn't an entity that can help you in any way, shape or form, (though it's debatable God is...) it pretty much reverts back and is no different to the original meaning. And it makes you sound like a complete DICK. Stop saying it. In my world anyone that says it will get the punishment of being shut in a prison cell with Rachael from Glee until their ears bleed, and they are resentful, cold and bitter enough to be let back into society. 

In addition to these changes I would also make downloads cheaper than buying a physical disc. ITUNES WHY ARE YOU CHARGING ME £8.99 FOR A DISC THAT IS £3 ON PLAY.COM?! 

And there should be an alley on my end of my road so I can get to town easier without having to walk in a massive loop just to get to the freaking post office that I can see from my house. I have seriously considered just throwing my mail to them from the balcony. I'm sure once I take the place over they'd let me do that. It'd be sweeeet.

 Also, I have every episode of Scrubs (except season 9) on my TV. Upon watching these again I now feel awful for you normal people who must have to just watch these when E4 dictates, or on megavideo telling you you've watched more than 72 minutes of video today. In my world there will be a channel solely dedicated to Scrubs. 24/7 on endless repeat.

Lastly, has anyone noticed how expensive books are?! Jesus! They're just paper...