So I've spent my who life wondering about this man, Andrew. He's my birth father, and although I love my real dad dearly, I've always wanted to talk to my, shall we call him, "sperm donor dad".
When I was little I used to look at pictures of me and Mum, and try and figure out what he looked like from my features that she doesn't have. I'd draw him sometimes, and hope to this day that he's some big millionaire who will buy me clothes to suppress the guilt of leaving me. This probably isn't going to happen, but a girl can dream, right?
When I was 16 I was at my grandad's house when he found a video that Andrew was in, and for the first time in my life, I got to see his face. I felt sick to my stomach and like my world had been turned completely upside down. He looked just like me. As far as I'm concerned, I share more in common with him in my looks, than with her.
Today, I found him on 192.com, and have sent him a letter. And once again my whole life feels like it has changed. I don't want a relationship with him, as I've said, no one can replace the dad I already have, but the idea that he will be reading something I've written, both excites and terrifies me. And so for the next few weeks I'll be living in fear, waiting to see if he'll respond.
I don't know why I felt the need to blog about this. Maybe I just wanted to write about something real for once, and not just sex. It will be 14 years since my adoption on the 17th, so it feels like everything is getting really intense, right before uni haha.
2 comments:
You Blogged it because it's part of an emotion of yours....And, as the song says....'It's a Thin Line Between Love And Hate'.
We are all a bit eccentric/extravert, God...Look at me...And yet it's got me through life, with a great deal of respect....AND....A hell of a lot of fun, and l ain't gett'in old before me time....Love my life...Love my friends....Love my music....! :).
People should do want 'they' want in life, whatever makes 'them' happy.....Love the family, and the people you care about. Those you don't or upset you.....Leav'em behind....! And, get on with yer life....Amen....! :0.
The road to success, is always under construction.....!
And, Yeah! Would'nt it be great to live in South Park....
Hey leah i finally made one of these!
I kinda know how you feel as i only found out about who my real dad was when i was 18, and in all honesty my step dad will always be my real dad in my eyes as he is the one who raised me, I wish you all the best and hope you get a reply =] just remember all your friends are here for you if you need us and we all love you :P x
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