Things I have Learned This Month (And the month before that...)

Once again I've been neglecting you. I blame men. Men, alcohol, sleep and being able to download TV direct from iTunes. But please, don't feel too cheated on... It's not like I've been doing uni work either :)

And I'm still scraping a B-! Hell YEAH!

Anyway, you know the drill, on with the list.

1. Having a diary does NOT make you more organized!
No matter if it's the best, funniest thing you have ever seen. Actual quote from this book:

"I like having a coffee and watching the world go by. That makes it sound like I'm floating in space while I'm having my coffee. I'm not, I'm in a coffee shop."

 Admittedly I think I'm the only person who finds this hilarious and brilliant. 

2. 12 Page Reports that have been taking everyone else the whole of Christmas to write, can be conjured up in 6 hours the night before the deadline.
And I still felt more confident about mine than anyone else I'd spoken to about it.

3. While we're on the matter, Eye Witness Memory is REALLY boring.

4. 

Yes, admittedly this list is failing and was frankly rather boring to start out with. But you know what I've really realized? You know that friend you have who regularly gets them self into totally insane situations? The one you can look at to make yourself feel better about your own life? I'm that person.

I mean really. If you're my friend, answer this, last time you spoke to me, did I tell you some fucking ridiculous story about something really stupid that happened to me, that was most likely 100% my own fault?? I don't mean to sound self involved here but I'm starting to realize I live outside the realms of "normal"... It's terrifying but strangely liberating.

Anyway take this as my vow in front of everyone to stop getting myself into ridiculous situations.

Or maybe that's what makes me remotely interesting. Unfortunately most of it is far too x-rated to write up here, so you get stuck with boring rants similar to this. :/

Oh well. I need some Cookie Crisp. Later! :D

How to Live Life Like an RPG

So with the arrival of Skyrim, a lot of us, (or at least most of my nerdy Facebook friends) have been losing their degrees/jobs/social lives to its warm embrace. It has the same addictive tendencies as World of Warcraft - but luckily it's not quite as nerdy or time consuming so I don't feel like a complete dick playing it :D

But games like this often have a real charm to them that I admire. They're not like Halo or COD or most other games out there. You're not a pre-designed character running through pre-designed levels, doing what the developers have decided what you should do. You're plonked into a new and interesting world and left to explore at your own pace, without a huge difference between the game world and reality. You can get a house, get married, go to jail, carry so much shit you can barely walk, etc. And frankly, I'd add RPG life to real life any day. So here's what I propose in order to live in the real world.

The Basics
† Run around with both your hands held up to your face, Skyrim style. (Can be equipped with swords/daggers/spells)


† Carry everything you have ever owned ever in a bag that's barely noticeable on your person.

† Refer to your health in hit points.


† Make your very own questing interface!
Unless you're a pretentious twat who "doesn't need a fancy phone to feel socially valid," you will most likely have a new-ish phone, with GPS.

iPhones can already send you reminders when you reach certain destinations (eg "Remind me when I get to Boots to buy condoms and handsoap" or "Remind me when I get home to bitchslap my wife and neglect my kids") this technology could easily be developed into the quest interface found in most RPG style games.

Go Shopping in Tescos (Reward 200XP)

• Get Milk ✓
• Get Bread ✓
• Get Alcohol ✓
• (Optional) Pay a visit to the vegetable section. - BONUS QUEST FAILED
• Pay the cashier OR attempt to leave without paying. ✓
• Escape the city guards.

† Keep a tally of your XP gained and occasionally level up. - You can use your level to impress girls and get better jobs!

† Never talk to the same person twice. If they're not asking you a favour they will probably just repeat the same phrase infinitely.

† Kill any bugs/creatures you see for XP and dropped gold/materials.

† Smash all boxes/crates/vases you see. They've probably got owner-less unattended treasure in them.


† Avoid forests and high grass unless you're confident you're a high enough level to face the shit you'll come across.

† Maintain drinking a potion can restore stats. Eg fruit smoothies restore health. Red Bull restores stamina.

† Alcohol gives you an immediate stamina boost but it will regenerate 25% slower.

† Consider making all future combat turn-based.

† Feeling envious of someone? Kill them and loot their corpse. It'll evaporate eventually.

† Go into any shop and attempt to sell the crap you find on your quests.

† If you're badly wounded, sleep for an hour. You'll be fully recovered.

† Carry deodorant and matches for fire spells, liquid nitrogen for ice spells, and a cattle prod or a taser for lightning spells.  



† Address people by their jobs or social status. (eg. Guard, Merchant, Peasant etc)

† Ask new people overly personal questions so they can send you on a quest to recover a family heirloom or settle the score with an old enemy.

† When you've done favours demand payment in gold, XP or items.

† Hold and rotate items really close to your face to examine them.

† Create a detailed inventory and weigh everything you own. Find your capacity and become "over encumbered" when attempting to lift more than this amount.

† Lastly, when you're done, sit down cross legged in the street to "Log Off"

Alternatively, if this is all too much for you, just sit somewhere for hours on end repeating the same few phrases and be an NPC.

Hope this helped you all have some great ideas on how to make the most out of this Christmas! If you have more comment and I'll add them ;)